Pooping Positions in the Woods!

I have taken a countless number of number twos in the woods, and I would consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject. Now everyone has their go to position, and you may be thinking that anything besides squatting is ridiculous, but maybe as you are trudging through the woods you feel inspired to try something new. Not only is mixing up your routine healthy, but when you slay a "full orangutan" you can't help but talk about it. Also... talking about your "ins and outs" is healthy and necessary on longer trips. He are my favorite pooping positions! Got your own? Let us know! Keep in mind a popping hole should be at least 6 inches deep and 6 inches wide, and you should always be at least 200 feet from water.


Squat:
Description: Squatting with you tookus over your hole with your elbows on your knees.

Pros: Been used for 1000s of years, can be done in any environment, good for the emergency situation (fast and intuitive), and hands free to swat at bugs.

Cons: Boring, moderate risk of getting fecal matter on pants/shoes, and it can be hard to get the leverage for the sometimes needed extra push.


The Bear Hug:
Description: Dig hole close to stout tree. Squat down and hold onto said tree.

Pros: Good leverage, less chance for accidental fecal contamination, can be done anywhere with trees, and it makes it easy to study tree bark.

Cons: Can only be used where there are stout trees, it's hard to dig holes in tree roots, hard to find a good view, can get tiring quickly, not hands free, and very difficult to do with a cactus.

 

 


The Ironman:
Description: Take a knee and position/rest your butt cheek on your foot. Basically do a "tebow," and make sure your pooping trajectory is not over the foot itself.

Pros: Relaxing, can be easily maintained for the longer poops, hands free, and can be done any where. 

Cons: Difficult to aim, and a higher chance of fecal contamination


Back to Tree:
Description: Put your back on the tree with your legs at 90 degree angles. Essentially do a wall sit with the tree as your wall 

Pros: Efficient, 360 degree lookout, and a very low chance of contamination. 

Cons: Takes a lot of strength, it is hard to enjoy the experience, sometimes the bark can be uncomfortable.

 

 


Log Latrine:
Description: Find a nice sturdy horizontal log with a great view and dig your hole. Lean your butt out and enjoy.

Pros: Most like home, easy to enjoy, great for finding a good view, and most relaxing.

Cons: Slimey logs aren't great, hard to find a good spot, easy to loose track of time, not great in an emergency, can end up cutting and scraping your butt, and difficult to aim and hit the hole.



 


The Crab:
Description: Position yourself like you are going to do the crab walk. Hands behind, feet in front, butt over hole.

Pros: Very little chance of fecal contamination. 

Cons: Hands are not free, difficult to hold for long periods of time, and it requires a relatively clear area with comfortable ground.

 

 


The Full Orangutan:
Description: This is the one you all have been waiting for since I mentioned it in the intro: the full orangutan. You find a sturdy small tree that won't break, you dig your hole, you shimmy up the tree till it starts to bend back so you are about parallel with the ground over your hole, and you let fly.

Pros: it's pretty freaking awesome when everything goes right.

Cons: Very risky, hard to aim, not for beginners, most likely not LNT, you will probably miss the hole.


Duecing in the woods should be America's past time. However you should always make sure you follow these 3 rules: make sure there is a view, plan ahead, and always brag to a friend. If you have any other great positions or need someone to brag to I'm your guy.

Happy duecing!

Written By: The always knowledgeable and eloquent Will Roske